My mother-in-law was with us during a couple of week which gave us all time to catch up. When talking about our daughter starting high school next September, she asked if she had to take the bus in the morning. One of the many problems linked with living in a rural area is that she will actually need to take 2 different buses and leave at 7am every morning. Quite naturally, my mother-in-law wondered why she wouldn’t prefer to spend the whole week at school (most of them are boarding schools around here) and only come back for the weekend. When my daughter answered she’d rather have to deal with the ridiculous commute bus ride than loose her freedom by staying there 5 full days, her grandmother replied : “Ça ne te ferait pas de mal” – it wouldn’t be bad for you (the French equivalent, used purposefully in a negative form, for “it would do you good”!).
(I guess it meant that discipline and a “community life” for an only child would have a positive impact…)
When my daughter was younger she was a wild hopelessly introvert little thing and I have heard this sentence so many times, repeated by people thinking pushing her outside of her confort personal zone would transform her into a sociable normal child.
“Make her do team sports, that would do her good!”
For the past 15 years I have tried to find the right balance between things she had to get used to because yeh, that’s life, and things she could happily do her own way.
The Covid19 has made me jobless leaving in an area I despise. And I can’t help but wonder why I ended up at 47 shutting me in a situation I’m not happy with. Still, I grew up following all these things that were said to be good for me.
So why do we say that? “That would do you good”. Why, as my mother-in-law repeated, you’ll have to do things in your life you’re not happy with ? Why on Earth do we keep raising our children telling them life is full of nuisance and annoyances you have to bear?…When instead, we should fill them with hope.
Is it an older generation thing? Is it a cultural thing? Have you experienced such discourse when growing up? Or have you been taught you could accomplish whatever you wanted!
I wish education were all about positivity and empowerment. I wish I was always told as a child Yes it’s feasible. I wish I never had to wonder if I ought to discourage my daughter to try something because it was near to achieve.
And yeh?! Are boys raised in this particular way of thinking too?